14-16 “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!” ~ Psalms 91-14-16 MSG
So lately Timehop & Facebook has reminded me of some struggles, hurts & pains we went through in ministry 4yrs ago. 4 yrs ago, it was a very hurtful time. I would have rather someone beat me then cut me with words. Words go deeper and stay with you longer. That was a rough year, I was so miserable, I remember my husband actually told me to go to my fathers church, and we were Youth Pastors. Just so no one could hurt me. As a youth pastors wife, there was no way I would let my husband lead by his self and take the beating by his self. That year I started building up walls, I lost confidence in my myself, and I couldn’t get past the hurt. We spent a lot of time praying and fasting, questioning if
we wanted to even stay in ministry. Through all of the trials, we never stopped praising God. We knew God was going to get us through everything, just didn’t know when. We trusted He would take care of us, but it still hurt. I got to the point where I ran out of band aids. I cried till I couldn’t cry no more, I couldn’t understand how people could do what they do.
About 6 mos of going through pain, God opened a door. We became Pastors of a church, but we still somehow managed to get hurt. So the walls just got bigger and the heart just got harder. Bitterness was slowly creeping in. I eventually put my guard up, no one was getting in and cause this pain again. I became weak, my kids seen all of this. I never wanted my kids to witness the pain of ministry, because my fear was they would turn away. I had to get up choose Joy! I had to know there was purpose in our pain. So lots of prayer, fasting, and resting in God was in the journey. I had to be healed before I could effectively minister to anyone. So the journey of healing began.
A year later, I was reminded of when the pain started (thank you FB & Timehop) and I noticed it opened some old wounds. Here’s the thing it didn’t hurt as bad. 2nd year rolled around and it was easier, 3rd year laughter & the “I can’t believe that happened” started, & this year a thankful heart arose. When the Timehop & Facebook “on this day” appeared, all I could do was say, “Thank You GOD!”. I realized to get where we are now, the road is not always smooth, but we it was a part of our journey. We hit a rough patch in ministry that year, but I’m so thankful for it. No one likes hurting, but oh the healing is the best part. God healed me completely, I’m stronger & more confident! With wounds you will sometimes have a scar, but if you are stitched up right you won’t even see where the cut was. I’m thankful the right physician stitched me up, because I don’t have scars anymore!
We never gave up on God, and He had paved the road way ahead for us. I’m so thankful for trial, because the victory is so worth it! I know we will hit rough patches in our ministry and in life, but with God I’m stronger now. I now know to “walk through the fire with my head held high”!
No matter what you are going through, catch your breath & keep your hands held high, God is already paving the road ahead & He is there to stitch you up. He is beside you, behind you, above you & ahead of you. God’s got you!
As I write this & catch my breath I am so thankful & blessed.
I leave you with these AMAZING worship songs, that have got me through a lot:
Even When it Hurts
Relax, catch your breath & let God carry you!
A Pastor’s Wife Finding Herself